Are You A Happy Single?

They say in order to attract a happy relationship one must first learn how to be happy in solitude. Yet it is not uncommon for most singles to feel lonely and grow a belief that once they find someone special, their life would change and only then they can be happy. Learn some tips on how to be a happy single from this article.

Sometimes when you struggle and your life doesn't seem to go the way you want it to, it is hard to be happy. Many of us have set goals in life that by a certain age we will have a family, a house and a certain amount of money in the bank. Yet, when this age comes and we have not reached that goal we feel disappointed and we isolate ourselves from close family members and even feel ashamed to talk to someone we knew from High School. Of course this is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. All this shame is toxic and not only makes us want to isolate more, more isolation creates more shame and unhappiness.

The truth about being unhappy when you're single is that it is not the fact that you're single that makes you unhappy. It is the fact that you think you're alone. You feel like there is no one out there who can relate to you or understand you. One of the most important human needs is the need to connect with others and feel included. When you get into the victim state of mind about being single, it makes it almost impossible to connect with others. People will tell you things like "Stop complaining," start giving you advice on how to behave, what to do, where to go, what close you should wear or throw that famous phrase at you: "Don't worry, you'll find someone." They may have good intentions behind what they say but for you this creates a disconnect. You don't need an advice, you need a human connection. There is nothing more disconnecting than criticism and judgment.

When you feel unhappy, that means that there is a need you have that isn't being met for you. And it is your job to go out there and find a way to meet your needs. I am not saying that you have an excuse to be miserable. The truth is, the moment you feel connected with others, soul to soul, doesn't have to be romantic, you feel joy. Your mind may tell you that the reason why you're unhappy is because you're single. But the truth is you are unhappy because you are not getting enough of human connection in your life. In fact is, many people who are in a relationship feel the same way. They say if you are unhappy as a single, you will be unhappy in a relationship. This is true because you haven't learned the tools on how to reach out and connect with others. You never thought you needed those tools, but you do. It is about going out there and asking for what you want.

I know this takes a lot of courage, but it's worth it. When you reach out to others, the most important thing to remember is to be authentic. Your openness will bring out the openness in others. Conversely, if you approach them while stuck in your ego, feeling insecure, protected or manipulative, they will pick up on this energy and this will cause them to want to protect themselves from you.


Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine Bouglai