Anger - Turning Devastation Into Healing

Explosive temper, outbursts of anger, words flying, and people scattering - this is too often the environment of the person who chooses not to control their anger. How many people grow up under the tyranny of anger? How many spouses live their entire married lives hoping they do not set the other person off? How many angry people hate their lives and wish they could find an answer. Keep reading, because below are the steps to tame the rages of anger.

1. Own it - no excuses

Years of counseling have caused me to believe that their is no more excused issues than anger. If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a person say they cannot control their temper. Why is it so many believe that anger is one of those things that is either genetic - my father was this way - or simply uncontrollable.

This is always the first step, and there is a good reason. You will not really deal with something if you reserve an excuse. It's time to own it. Can you say that you get angry and fly of the handle because you choose to? Until you can admit that you will not get far in overcoming it.

How about an example? Here is a guy spewing anger over his kids, yelling and cursing, then someone knocks on the door and he answers with gentle tones as if nothing had ever happened. What did he do? He controlled it when someone else entered the picture.

2. Look at it - see their faces

If I had the ability to open a window so that you could see the affects of your rage, I think you would bend over in pain and sorrow. Anger hurts people deeply. It scars them permanently. It is not innocent nor over when you stop spewing.

Today I will stand over a casket and officiate a funeral service. The gentleman died at the age of 70. He has lived his life and there is nothing in that he can take back. I cannot add or take away, he's said it all in his 70 years. It so happens this man was gentle, funny, and well loved. It makes it so much easier for his family.

But what about you? What are you leaving behind? Can you see the minister standing over your casket and addressing your precious family? See their tears? What do they remember? What do you want them to remember? I do not think you want them to to see mental pictures of your anger. You would never want them to sit in that service as broken people who have been damaged by you.

Please, look at their faces. Do not let it go that far.

3. Fix it - it's not too late

You need to do two things at this point. First, get some resources to give you insight as to where this came from and why you persist. There are numerous reasons why you might be angry or choose to be a person of temper. there is not enough space in this article to go into detail. Your bookstore will have shelves of help. Just take some steps in that direction now. And many of you need more help than that. You need some counseling to help you deal with this. So what? We could all use the help of others from time to time. Do not allow pride to become another hang up for you. Talk to someone.

Second, It's time to help others heal from your anger. This may be very difficult. Remember, you want to leave behind healthy children and loved ones. This is where you help them. Eye to eye tell them how sorry you are. Make NO excuses. Take complete ownership for your actions and with humility and sorrow, ask for their forgiveness. If tears flow, do not stop them. You will rise greatly in their estimation of you. This is the kind of legacy you want to leave. And you will also be responsible for beginning a healing process in their lives.