Always Seeking Approval Can Hold Back Your Personal Development

Is seeking approval from others almost an obsession with you? Do you feel as if you are less if you don't get their admiration and approval? Is your self-esteem in the hands of your family, friends and associates? Do you feel stress and anxiety when you don't get the accolades or appreciation you feel is coming to you? Begin your personal growth plan and you can free yourself from the prison of being "needy."

Many people, children, teenagers and adults seem to seek out approval constantly and become very agitated inside and sad if they don't get the positive feedback they feel they absolutely need. Sometimes people don't even realize that's what's going on and why they feel so bad all the time. They feel as if they have failed even though whatever they did turned out fine, even great. In those moments your personal development is at a stand-still.

Of course we all want to be liked and want to feel like they fit in with their "people." It's simply about finding a way to control those thought patterns that drag us down. If we do a great job and we know we did, it's not important for anyone to tell you or "make you feel worthy." People sometimes take it for granted that if a good job is done you'll know without being told. When someone completes a task for someone and runs to them for an "attaboy" (or girl) they will pick up your neediness and actually respect you less.

Let's say someone starts a new job and instantly begins to worry if her Boss or fellow employees like them. They're usually hyper-vigilant and every look or remark that is said they immediately create something negative out of even the most benign of glances or responses from those in the office. Their palms sweat, they feel on edge and go home in fear they'll certainly be fired for something even though they have no idea what that "something" is.

This is a terribly sad and negative way to live your life. Of course you would like approval just as everyone does. Yet most people appreciate the job they completed and move on, they don't NEED it to hear they did well, they know it. They don't allow having it or not having it create a scenario where it controls their lives. There are many ways to build up your strength of will and character. Peace of mind is what you truly desire, not a "job well done" or a pat on the back. Those moments are fleeting and the only person you should desire approval from is yourself. When you are in that space you are far and away on the road to achieving and excelling at personal development.

Think about something for a moment. When did you ever worry about something and the worst happened and it wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it would be? The answer is usually "most of the time." Worrying about someone else appreciating all the hard work you do and not giving you their approval is the least of your worries, or should be. It can reach levels of almost obsessive-compulsive behavior.

All of this fretting and worrying is born in one place-your ego. And guess what? Your ego is NOT your friend. Allowing your ego to control your life is a road to nowhere-a dead end street. Enough already! Isn't your happiness and peace of mind more important than a few words of praise from your Boss or someone else? Most of the time we don't even like our bosses that much anyway, so why cares?

It is widely understood that a lack of self-confidence is a clear contributor to anxiety and worry. Is that how you'd like to live the rest of your life? Worried and anxious by thinking about how many people don't appreciate you enough just because they don't tell you every day or send up a sky writing plane to write "thank you" across the sky?

The best way to build your confidence is by becoming THE expert in your office or place of employment at whatever you do best. Become the "go to person" who everyone seeks out when they need help or advice in your area of expertise. Now that is much more gratifying than a "thank you" for some little thing you did two weeks ago that you're still stressing about because you felt ignored.

Learn all the skills needed for each task you do and once you've mastered one, move on to the next until you've learned all you need to know and can do whatever it is in the dark.

Also build your self-confidence to the point where you understand that not everyone is going to like you. Everyone doesn't like everyone. That's just the way life is. One person can think another one is funny, nice, kind and wants to be their friend and just down the hall someone else can't stand that person. So what? Sure, in a perfect world it would be super fantastic if everyone liked everyone else, but I doubt if we'll ever see it in our lifetime-or even on this planet.

Books on personality development or even CDs or DVDs would be a great place to start improving upon your skills as a communicator and social butterfly. If you go into a party and within minutes the room begins to clear out, you may have a problem. There are some people who are very nice yet when they get in a social setting they are like a fish out of water. They say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, they make jokes no one thinks are funny and basically just alienate everyone around them. Some people call them "psychic vampires." They can suck the air out of a room so fast people are running for the door.

It can be very sad for that person because in their mind they believe they have a great personality and their jokes are hilarious. If you walk up to a group of people you know and within minutes they begin moving away one by one, you just might consider buying a few books or CDs on developing a winning personality. The more you work on YOU, the better your relationships will begin to transform before your very eyes. No one is saying there is anything wrong with you as a person, or you even have to see a therapist or counselor. On the other hand, probably most of the people in America have seen a therapist at one time or another-or perhaps they should.

Seeking support and guidance from an expert in the field should never be a reason to feel embarrassed. We all need a bit of advice occasionally and if you desire to get a fast start on the road to improving your life, find a life coach and they will get you in the starting gate and off to the races to win in your own personal "game of life."