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Edith recalls growing up in a religious home that was characterized by a lot of religious ritual but little emphasis on a relationship with a personal God. Any similarities between the regular Sunday morning church ritual and the day-to-day dynamics of the home were purely accidental. Ediths father was authoritarian instead of being a servant- leader in the home. He was stingy toward the family but denied himself nothing. He was opinionated, controlling and a rage-aholic. By contrast, her mother was a pleaser, a peacemaker, very compliant, shy, hardworking and very verbally and physically affectionate in the family.

Edith married after working only two years following high school graduation. It was not until her twenty-fifth wedding anniversary that she came to my office.

"I dont know whats wrong with me, were her opening words. "Lately Ive begun to be so impatient, just seething inside. I dont even want to be around my family. Its just not me. Its my husband, but he is not a bad person. Hes a good provider and he doesnt run around on me. Hes the treasurer of our church.

"God will only give grace for acknowledging the truth (John 1:14). Your anger is attempting to notify you or your husband of your needs and his needs.

"Yes, hes a hard worker. He helps certain people but is very selective. He is impatient and rules the home with his anger. She paused, dropping her voice,
"Hes not very loving; no touching unless it is for sex, no compassion or kind words. Then in an agitated voice she said, "He gets angry so easily and may even pick a fight with just about anyone. He is very unforgiving, yet he can be so jovial with outsiders. But thats okay. What I need help for is my anger.


It was then she shared with me that she lived with this growing up with her dad. What you and I experience as we grow up is what we tend to think of as normal or acceptable. Edith did. But her emotions were screaming at her that she was in pain. Her anger was evidence of that pain. This is a positive value of anger. It can notify you not only of the tones and kinds of words that are hurtful, but also of the actions and habits that are wrong and do not reflect the character of God. There is no peace at home without the character of God in the home.

There were five tasks Edith needed to accomplish if she was to be at peace in her heart at home whether or not there was any change in her husband.

-Admit the presence of anger (notifier).
-Acknowledge the offense the anger reveals.
-Identify the person(s) responsible for the offense.
-Forgive the person(s) causing the offense.
-Accept the consequences of the past offense.

Edith was exhausted, but something changed almost immediately. She clearly saw the needs in her marriage. She was now able to face some very tough issues. You will not be prepared to address the hard issues in a relationship if you do not first process your own anger. Jesus expressed it this way, "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brothers (spouses) eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? . . . First, take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye (Matt. 7:3,5).

Anger drove Edith to the front door of forgiveness and freedom from years of bitterness. When Edith realized she had a steel beam of anger in her own eye and removed it through a heart-wrenching time of prayer, she then began to see some things clearly that she had denied for years.

This is an excerpt from my e-book, God's Peace in Your Home. For information on how to get more for free, visit the link listed!