I hear many people say that having a good relationship only requires love. Unfortunately a good relationship requires more. Without good communication even the most love filled relationships turn sour. If you can't talk to one another the life span of your relationship is going to take a serious hit.
Let's start by defining the difference between good communication and bad communication. Yelling, fighting, and snide remarks are forms of bad communication. If your talking to your partner and you are only focusing on what to say next, you are not communicating effectively. Another form of bad communication is where there is none at all. Are you the type of person that gets upset but just doesn't talk about it with you partner? This can lead to a lot of issues down the road. You may begin to feel resentment, anger, and have an overblown meltdown when the things you are not saying become too much. This results in what many experts call, kitchen sink communication because you take all the things you have not said and say them all at once, overwhelming your partner and leading you into a dead end with no resolve to your feelings.
Good communication is calm and both parties listen to and accept the other persons feelings and point of view. Good communication is crucial for you and your partner to talk about issues that come up in the relationship. When there is an issue the person who uses good communication methods brings it up quickly and discuses it with their partner. If you find that you and your partner are constantly getting into arguments, or that your thoughts and feelings are not heard try the exercise below to get the words flowing and genuinely heard.
Partner Communication Exercise
Find an object that you can hold in one hand easily. Sit down in a comfortable place with your partner. Make sure that you have plenty of time, you don't want to do this when you or your partner need to be at work in one hour. Make sure you have the T.V. Turned off and if you have children try and do this when they have gone to bed so that you don't have any distractions. You need to be focused on each other.
Choose who will speak first and give that person the object. The rules of this exercise are as follows:
1. Only the person holding the object can speak.
2. Once the person holding the object is done speaking the other person must repeat what was said.
3. Limit each speaking time to 1-2min.
4. Once the person has repeated what was said, they are given the object and get to speak themselves, then once they are done the other person must repeat what was said.
Continue the exercise without yelling or arguing and trying to understand your partners perspective. Do this as much as needed.
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