So you're getting married. Great! Congratulations! It's a happy time full of parties and plenty of reasons to celebrate. But don't bliss out so much that you make a series of stupid mistakes that some of new brides make.
That's right.
I'm here to be that nasty girlfriend that most of us don't have. The one that would, in a different situation, actually tell you that those pants make you look fat.
Why? Because no one else will, and I'm standing far enough away that you can't slap me from here. And because as women, we really should be looking out for each other, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lay out some cold, hard truths while everyone else is poofing up your skirt and telling you how gorgeous your ring is. Which it is, by the way.
The Divorce Rate in America is Roughly 50%
Let's start with the big elephant in the room. The divorce rate in America is hovering at around 50%. The rate for first marriages is about 41%, the rate for second marriages is about 60%, and it just keeps climbing after that. Broken down another way, about one in two couples that walk down the aisle will eventually call it quits.
I don't start with this ugly fact to take the fun out of your upcoming celebrations. I do it to add weight to the points that I'm about to bring up. You see, I went through a divorce myself and it was incredibly difficult, without my having made the majority of the mistakes I'm about to list. If I had made them, the recovery would have been even more excruciating.
Now let's start with our list of stupid new bride mistakes. In fact, they are so stupid, I am going to list them as things not to do.
Don't Abandon Your Own Career
Now that you've found your one true love (that's the line they use in my daughter's princess stories -- she is 4 years old, mind you), you may be fooled into thinking that you will be taken care of forever. Wake up from your fairy tale, sister. You may be part of a two-person financial team now, yes, but don't believe for a minute that you are released for taking responsibility for your own career.
Sure, if and when you have children, you may decide to take a hiatus from the workforce for a time, but do it with your eyes wide open to the potential effects on your career. The longer you stay out, the harder it is to get back in -- and your pay and rank will both take a hit. If possible, you should consider keeping up on developments within your industry through training, seminars and other skill-building opportunities. Also, it always pays to keep your network alive through sites like LinkedIn so people know what you're up to.
Don't Lose Your Own Credit History
You probably registered for a bunch of fancy pots and pans and, while you were at it, got the matching department store credit card, right? Whose name was it in? Yours, I hope.
I just learned last month that a friend of mine back home is getting divorced. She has two kids, a mortgage, a dog and a mother in the hospital. She also confided in me that she has no credit because all the credit cards were in her husband's name. She thought they were in her name because "...they had my name on them!" Classic stupid bride mistake. She was what is called an "authorized user" on his account. This means that all the on-time payments they made for the last eleven years accrued to his good credit. Now she has to spend time building up a good credit history in order to get access to a decent line of credit and the best (lowest) rates. She is 41. Remember the part about the kids and the mortgage and the sick mother? Yeah.
Keep credit in your own name. Make payments on time. Maintain an excellent credit score for yourself. And if you find yourself in a credit hole, the new number you must hit has increased to 740. There is an excellent article on this topic to help you if you find yourself having to
rebuild back to a FICO score of 740.
Do Not Blow Off Saving For Your Retirement
For some reason, many new brides believe that their husbands will prioritize saving for retirement for them and just take care of the whole thing. This tends to be true even more so in cases where the man is the primary wage earner.
This fact is particularly puzzling to me because women tend to outlive men and therefore arguably need the retirement savings even more than they do. So here's the solution: max out the contribution option in your employer's retirement savings plan. Why? Well, it's easy to do. You just fill out a form -- possibly even online -- have the dollar amount deducted from your paycheck and forget about it. The money taken out is pre-tax, so you save on your taxes, which makes it a no-brainer. Then your company may even match a certain percentage, which is basically giving you free money. Duh.
If you are not employed, you can contribute to a spousal IRA, which in 2011 has an annual contribution cap of $5,000.
Still need a little push in the retirement arena? Check out this little ditty, which contrasts the fortunes of two different couples, one who planned well for their retirement and one who didn't... it's called simply
Get Started Investing and I hope it will get your little bridal bootie in gear.
Don't Fall In Love with the House
Ok, so maybe it's already been a few years and now you're that unlucky 1 in 2 couples headed for divorce. Let's say you also have a few kids, you don't want to uproot them, two of your kids are already in school, they like the kids who live down the street, they have a wagon, a dog, the whole pretty picture -- their life is pretty good here. Now your divorce is threatening to tear it all apart.
Uh oh. You don't want to move, you don't want to uproot the kids and so you have dug in your heels about winning the house in the divorce.
Big mistake.
According to Richard Peterson of the Social Science Research Council, a woman's standard of living decreases by 27% after a divorce. This is because many women get so focused on one or two elements of their lives -- the custody battle, or, very often, keeping the house, -- that they lose the overall bigger financial picture. Once the dust has settled on their divorce decree, they end up with child support payments that are not sufficient to cover their costs. Before you dig your heels in on what you want, meet with a financial planner and find out what it will all cost. Then ask for the money to help cover it.
Now, let's add one more thing to the list. But rather than a "Don't" let's make it a "Do." Do talk about money. Here is a good place to start: it's an article about
what to do before you get married and it delves into the subject of talking about money with your honey.
Because what I learned the second time around is that love and money really can mix.
I wish you the very best of luck!
