3 Clues To Find Out If You Have A Chance To Get Your Ex Back - Part 3

There are 3 stages:

1. The person is off the fence; happy with the way his life is going and does not have a desire to get on the fence. In the early years of my marriage of 23 years, I was also off the fence, happy and satisfied with my ex-husband, with no desire to change anything.

2. He is on the fence and can see both sides (options) and thus he has a preference. As so often happen in life, our relationship started to change, first in small ways that I did not recognise for what it was, then there were bigger changes and one day I realised that I was not happy anymore.

In fact, these changes had a devastating impact on my health and the way I acted towards my ex. I realised that I had several options - try to salvage my marriage by losing some weight to have more self-confidence, (maybe he would love me again) try to be less jealous, start a new hobby and get him interested in it so we could spend more time together AND find out what he really wanted at that stage of our marriage. We both did not prefer a divorce then, so we really worked harder and for a while everything was fine again.

3. He has to get off the fence but cannot decide on which side he must get off and is also afraid that he will fall and hurt himself. A few years down the line, I knew for certain that I could not go on with my marriage BUT I did not know how to end it the children loved their dad and even though all the fighting and emotional absence also hurt them a lot, they wanted us to be a family AND he was quite happy to go on in this way.

After a year of separation, I was still not ready to divorce him and went back to my ex. During the next 5 years, the indecision of knowing what I had to do but not having the courage to do it left me in a very bad emotional state.

Indecision is most common right before or right after a big decision. The BIGGER the decision, the HIGHER the fence feels to the person. Our indecision in making the right choices, often leave us on the fence not realising that the fence is actually quite low.

I was a fence walker/sitter for many years in my marriage - unable to make a choice and as a result of this, extremely emotional and I lashed out at any help offered to me I did not need the well-meant advice offered by family and friends I knew what I had to do, but in a way it was easier to stay. I was in a "comfort zone" on my fence.

Our indecision after a relationship has ended or even if a relationship is going through a bad time, often leave us with questions like the following:

"I am not happy anymore, but what will happen to him/the children if I leave"?

"I think it will be the best to end the relationship, but I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life".

"I still love him, but will he come back"?

"Even though I miss him, I am better of by myself, but it would be nice to be together again".

In my case. "If I leave him, will I be able to find a job at my age to support myself".

If you can see that your ex is having trouble coming to a decision regarding the relationship, it can be extremely easy to get them back, but it is IMPORTANT that you have a WELL -PLANNED STRATEGY or else you will push them off the fence onto the wrong side and they will be lost forever.