10 Top Signs Of A Wicked Stepmother

Dealing with children who are not your own can be quite challenging. When you're taking care of or dealing with the children of your spouse, it's not easier. Some step moms fail miserably (read: wicked) others do so splendidly that their step children look up to them like their own biological mom.

What are the top signs that you are failing as a step mom?

1. You ask your husband to choose between you and his kids. You see the kids as competition and you are determined to win.

2. You do not know much about your step kids. You spend all of your time focusing on your own kids and your new husband and do not see the need to get to know your step kids.

3. You ask your husband to take you out to dinner on his child's birthday, and tell him to celebrate the kid's birthday on another day.

4. You do not recognize the birthdays of your step kids or any other special events in their lives.

5. You treat your kids better than his kids. You make sure your children have everything that they need and let their biological mom figure out what her own kids need.

6. You interrupt your husband when he is on the phone with his kids. What could he possibly be talking about that's more important than you?

7. You let his kids figure out on their own, where to sleep, and put their stuff, when they visit their Dad. After all, the beds in the house are for the ones who live here full time, right?

8. You have different house rules for your kids than for his kids.

9. You don't let your step kids bring friends into your house.

10. You don't let your step children spend any time alone with their Dad when they come to visit.

All kidding aside, being a step mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. When you marry a man with kids, you commit to love and care for his kids as if they were your own. The kids don't usually appreciate a new stepparent and will not appreciate your efforts for some time (sometimes they never acknowledge the positive impact you have had on their lives.)

Stepparents are not in competition with the kids, although many people feel that way. The love an adult has for his/her spouse is different than the love they have for their children. There is enough love to go around, to everyone, without anyone suffering. Creating and maintaining house rules, and keeping the marriage the center of the family are key issues in a stable, loving environment for the kids.

Talking with your step kids about their interests and hobbies will build rapport with them. Celebrating their birthdays, special school events, or any holiday is a wonderful opportunity to bond your step family and create memories of this new family.

Providing them a private place to keep their things, when they visit their Dad, is also important. A private bedroom is not necessary (although ideal.) However, you need to give each child a secure place to put their things, and a place to hang out when they are in your home.

Although you want to spend time as a blended family, it's a good idea to give your husband some individual time with this children, when they come to visit. Spend this time with your kids, or doing something for yourself. Your step kids will appreciate this time and also feel more comfortable in the blended family times.