11 Age-appropriate Ways To Handle Separation Anxiety In Children

For the first few months of life, babies can not differentiate caregivers from strangers. When they cry, they can easily be calmed and comforted by any man or woman who make them feel loved and protected, regardless of relationship. By around 6 to 8 months, babies can now identify their main care giver and recognize that there is only one Mommy and Daddy. Therefore, when the baby is offered by his parents to be carried by someone unfamiliar to him, the child begins to cry, inconsolable by any individual besides his parents. This stage of the child's growth is known as "stranger anxiety".

As the kid starts to outgrow stranger anxiety, he would then have to go through yet another phase of social growth called "separation anxiety". Separation anxiety occurs when the baby, who has developed emotional attachment and security with his mother and father, feels anxious once his parents are gone. A baby can show his anxiety in many behaviors like crying, shyness, clinginess, unusual silence, and unwillingness to interact with other familiar people near him.

Though separation anxiety is normal and temporary, the child need to be helped in some ways. Separation may be observed by the baby as a traumatic and distressful event in his life, which can have a lasting mental and emotional effect. Right here are some methods to ease a child's separation anxiety.

For babies and toddlers:

1. If you plan to leave, schedule it after the child's nap or feeding. It is observed that babies are less vulnerable to anxiety when they are full and fresh from a nap.

2. Acclimatize your child by practicing separation for shorter durations and distances. A good example is when your baby attempts to head off to the kitchen area and you are left in the living room, hold out for several minutes before going after him. In this way, you are developing his feeling of independence.

3. If you are a working parent, have your child a consistent primary caregiver. It is ideal that you leave your kid with a caregiver who can be there for your kid from infancy into toddlerhood.

4. If you need to leave your little one briefly under the care of a relative, it is better to ask your relative to come to your house, instead of dropping your baby off to your relative's house.

5. Try to create a consistent "goodbye" habit (e.g. simple wave or a special kiss) and inform him that you need to go and that you will be back very soon. Avoid repeating your goodbye ritual every time you leave. This will only make your baby more stressed and insecure.

6. Above all, maintain a calm, strong and positive attitude towards your child every time you go away. Children are highly sensitive to your facial expression and will know from your voice and gestures. Showing your kid that you are also emotionally affected can only intensify anxiousness in your child.

For young kids:

7. Establish trust and security with your little one by honoring time commitments. For instance, be sure to pick him up from day care or return home at the specified time. In this way, he should feel that your word can be trusted, so that the next time you go away and say that you will be back again, the kid can feel much less stressed simply because he is already convinced that you will indeed be back as promised.

8. Make your kid feel that you care about his feelings by telling him that you will miss him too every time you leave. Make an effort to explain why you need to leave him temporarily (e.g. you need to go to work so your can buy him milk), but assure him that you will be back again really soon.

9. Read your kid with children's story books that tell about brave characters, and cite those times when he was brave and has done something independently just like the hero in the tale. Role-playing has a big effect in molding the kid's behavior.

10. When separation is set at a later date and you plan to have him taken cared of by a relative, it is best to talk to your child regarding it in advance. Help him prepare for that day by anticipating positive outcomes and telling him how you can be reached if necessary.

11. If possible, make a call and talk to your child over the cell phone while you are away. Ask him how he is doing and tell him about feel-good stories. Hearing your voice will make him feel secure and less anxious.

Remember, kids will usually outgrow separation anxiety by age 5. By then, they are able to spend time in the absence of their mothers and fathers with less stress and anxiety. Helping your little one ease his separation anxiety will allow him to get exposed to the real world, to experience life to the fullest and to discover new things and horizons.